


The Space Between

by LadyBoltonToYou



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Slight Poe Dameron/Reader, kylo ren smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:33:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22486396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyBoltonToYou/pseuds/LadyBoltonToYou
Summary: Reader is the Queen of Ustea, a rich and vast planet that has sold weapons to the First Order for decades. When she falls in debt to Kylo Ren, will she be able to uphold her end of the bargain?Slow burn, eventual romance and smut.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 10
Kudos: 36





	1. Chapter 1

Jakku was an awful planet. It had its moments, like right before the sun set and everything cooled off and it seemed peaceful, but for most of the time, it was awful. Ruthless. Lawless. Everyone and everything desperate to survive, only looking out for themselves. On Jakku, it was a dog eat dog world, and you were forced to quickly adapt.

In the first few weeks on Jakku, you told yourself that they’d come back. That it was all a huge mistake and you’d soon see a rescue ship on the horizon. You held hope for as long as you could. Every sunset and sunrise you’d wait for them to come back. 

After your hope faded with the endless months spent on the hottest planet you’d ever set foot on, you grew numb. You fell into a robotic routine of scavenging, selling, and sleeping. It was all you knew anymore, it was the only way for you to survive.

At first, you had sold some of your least valuable belongings. Your jewels from your home planet got you portions to last you five months, and when those ran out, you sold your blaster. That got you another six months. And when those ran out… all you had left were the clothes on your back and your lightsaber. 

Well, it wasn’t really ‘your’ lightsaber.

Both of your weapons had been gifted to you by a young member of the resistance. He had become far too infatuated with you and gave you the only things he had on him, a small pistol blaster and his own lightsaber. But, again, it wasn’t really ‘his’ lightsaber. He wasn’t a Jedi, just some Force-Sensitive boy lucky enough to come across it. He never did tell you where he’d gotten it from.

Anyways, you could never part with your lightsaber or your clothes, so you started doing what anyone else would, scavenging. It was hard work, it shaped you up into a woman you’d never thought you’d be. Calloused hands, lean muscle, and agility like a cat. You’d made a home in a run-down spaceship, a small and cheap thing that was probably belonged to the Resistance. You were no pilot, you’d never learned how to fly. Not that it stopped you from trying to fix it up, but honestly, you had no idea what you were doing.

One afternoon, as you sat alone on a sand dune eating the last of your portions, you noticed something in the distance. Small, round, trying desperately to roll in the sand. You watched it make slow progress through the dunes as you chewed on the green bread, something that at first disgusted you. Now, the taste was almost enjoyable. 

You swallowed your mouthful and narrowed your eyes, standing from your spot. “You having trouble?” You shouted, wondering if you were too far away for it to hear you. 

The small droid seemed to stop moving, looking around for the source of your voice. Then, in a much quicker pace, it headed towards you. 

You watched with amusement as it rolled through the sand. As soon as it reached you it emitted a string of chirps and beeps, Binary. You’d learned it from your early teachings, back home. 

Home. The droid sounded like home.

Obviously impatient in your lack of response, it spoke again. 

“Town is that way.” You pointed in the direction it was originally heading. It looked where your finger lead before looking back to you, chirping in frustration. “Well, the sun’s setting soon. You don’t want to be out here when it gets dark.” 

Nothing. 

Well, why not? It had been so long since you’d had an interaction that wasn’t hostile or degrading. You put your hands on your hips and sighed, before shrugging. “Alright. Company would be nice.”

Later that day, the droid, who you’d learned went by the name ‘BB-8’, told you that he was on a mission that was classified. He wouldn’t tell you much other than that he needed to find his master. 

While you were walking with him, he rolled over a hunk of scrap metal and emitted a frustrated beep. Something about him made you feel nostalgic, maybe it was the innocence of it all. A human bonding with a droid. It made you shake your head and smile.

“Well, this is the outpost.” You explained as you walked, stepping over a pile of metal objects another scavenger had just dropped while getting into an argument with someone else. “I come here to get food. You’re lucky you don’t need to eat,” You said and looked down to BB-8, who was looking up at you and listening intently. “Because, well. You’ll see.”

Unkar must have been in a particularly foul mood that day, because he only offered you one portion for a piece that he once offered you four. 

“Is this a joke?” You scoffed as you picked up the vacuum-sealed plastic, looking at it in your hand as if it were an insult. Looking back to him you narrowed your eyes, wishing you had the authority you did back home. If only he knew who you were, he would be on his knees begging for forgiveness. But your status was worthless here. Without your ship, your guards, you were nothing on Jakku. 

“For the droid, I’ll give you more. Sixty portions.” 

“Not that desperate, Unkar.” You sneered and left, taking the thin piece of portion with you. As you exited the tent you spoke again to your new friend. “Did you see that? He’s awful.”

BB-8 agreed with you, also noting he seemed very displeased when you turned down his offer.

“He’ll get over it.”

That night you watched the sun set with BB-8 by your side, eating your ration and washing it down with the questionable water provided in town. It felt nice to have someone by your side, listening to you ramble, even if it was a robot. He was a good listener and often had something funny to put into the conversation.

“Where am I from?” You repeated his question, surprised. You hadn’t been asked a question like that in… so long. You watched the sun slowly sink over the endless sand dune horizon, unintentionally losing yourself to your thoughts. 

“My own friends…” Your thoughts spoke themselves and BB-8 patiently listened, all of his attention on you. “They, we came to repair our ship, looking for spare parts, and they left without me. They probably told my people I died out here. It’s been so long. I’ve lost count of the days.”

You remembered the day so clearly. Tyra and Desmond, two of the only people you thought you could trust. You’d grown up with both of them. Knowing they had been conspiring behind your back to abandon you on one of the most desolated planets known, it made your stomach churn. You closed your eyes and saw your ship taking off without you, you saw the cloud of sand it had thrown up in its wake, right before it disappeared into the sky.

You had hoped for so long that they’d come back to you with some explanation, but they never came. No one came for you. 

BB-8 let out a beep of inquisition and you looked back down to him, laughing awkwardly. “I’m sorry. Can we change the subject?”

Jakku wasn’t so bad. It was moments like this, the peace, the quiet, watching the sun slowly sink away, the way the sand seemed to glow gold right before the sun disappeared. It was simple. Much more simple than your previous life as queen of Ustea. 

You slept like a rock for the first time in ages. And you paid for it the next day.


	2. Chapter 2

In all your time on Jakku, you’d barely been through an experience worth remembering. Needless to say, every day was the exact same. Boring. Nothing ever happened. 

But that day made up for it. 

“Even less than yesterday. Can you believe this?” You sighed as you exited the tents, resisting the urge to throw your portion as far as you could into the distance. “I hope whoever comes to find you can take me home. I can’t stand it here.”

The misery in your voice must have been all too evident, because BB-8 let out a sympathetic sigh at your words. 

You almost lost yourself in your thoughts, something you did often, but BB-8 nearly sent you into cardiac arrest when he suddenly erupted into a series of incoherent shrill buzzes. You snapped out of your mind and looked to where he was facing, seeing the first human you’d seen since you arrived on Jakku. 

“Him?” You glanced down to BB-8, hoping it wasn’t true. You didn’t want the first human you’d seen in months to be an enemy. You never needed to use your lightsaber, not a single time since you were gifted it, you didn’t want to have to use it on him. You weren’t even sure if you could. 

BB-8 beeped in confirmation and began rolling quickly to the young man, who was wiping beads of water from his chin. 

You chewed on the inside of your cheek before sighing and giving chase after your droid. “Hey, you,” You called out, using your hand to beckon the man forward. He seemed surprised that you’d addressed him and he looked over his shoulder to see if he was mistaken. “Yes, you, where’d you get that jacket?”

“My jacket?” He began looking down to his jacket but was cut short by BB-8 sending a bolt of electricity through his shin. He cried out in pain, stumbling backwards onto his ass, all the while clutching his leg. “What the hell?”

“There’s no need for that, not yet, hear him out,” You tried to reason with the droid but there was nothing you could do to stop him from shocking the man a second time. “Guns blazing works too.”

“Stop it!”

“You’d best answer my question.” You crossed your arms and looked down at him, taking in the sight of him. Maybe it was because you hadn’t seen another human in months, but, he, he looked so beautiful. In a totally innocent way, of course. His skin seemed flawless, his eyes holding the depth only a human could hold. Your heart ached at the sight of him. 

He clenched his jaw before closing his eyes. “It belonged to Poe Dameron. He was my friend, he was captured by the First Order and I helped him escape. Our ship crashed, and…” He looked to BB-8 and his face fell, as if he had just put two and two together. “Poe didn’t make it.”

The sound that BB-8 let out broke your heart. You uncrossed your arms and went to comfort him, but he turned around and rolled off.

“I tried to help him.” The man called after the droid, but nothing could be said.

You turned back to him and watched as he stood, taking in his choice of apparel. He dressed nicely, and you suddenly felt shameful of your own attire. Clothes that had been bought from the center of town and had been worn for months. You’d washed them as best as you could but the once white fabric of your matching pants and tank top were now akin to sand.

“You’re with the resistance, then?” You asked.

He took a little too long to answer, and you weren’t naive enough to think he was telling the truth. It was obvious something about him was off. “Yes, yes I am.” He dusted his jacket off and glanced around nervously, then repeated himself. “I am with the Resistance. I’m Finn. And, you, you are?”

“(Y/F/N).” You tried not to smile at his awkwardness. “Your ship, it’s beyond repair?”

“Yeah. Even if it wasn’t, I’m no pilot.”

Of course. “I was hoping you were.” You nodded to your left at an old ship, it was covered in tarps and was owned by Unkar, but you knew it was most likely something he’d come across and taken for himself. He’d done that with many things, his position of power on the planet allowed him to get away with almost anything. Swindling hard workers out of their honest earnings, claiming things that weren’t his, and no one said a damn thing about it.

You paused, tuning out his next few words, something about Luke Skywalker. You would have been more interested if not for the sound you’d heard. He heard it too, the sound of a muffled Stormtrooper’s voice. 

“Do you hear that?” He breathed, then his eyes spotted the source. Two of them, and as soon as you laid eyes on them they looked directly at the two of you.

“We’ve gotta run.”

“Why?” 

The next few minutes went by like seconds. Finn went in a different direction with BB-8, and you did your best to hide somewhere. But it was useless, they found you easily, demanding the location of Finn and the droid.

Maybe this was your chance.

“Please,” You started, holding both of your hands in front of you in a submissive stance as the two Stormtroopers advanced on you. Your back hit the ship that belonged to Unkar and you raised your hands higher. “I’m (Y/F/N) of Ustea, I’ve been abandoned here, you have to take me back home,”

The two soldiers lowered their blasters, looking at each other for a moment. “Ustea?” One of them asked, looking back to you. “Queen (Y/N)?”

This could be it! 

“You don’t look like (Y/N).”

“But you do know of me!” You pushed on hopefully, slowly lowering your hands. “Please, just take me back and you’ll be rewarded handsomely!”

“(Y/N) is dead. Has been.” 

Your heart dropped as you saw the man cloaked in black approaching you. Six more Stormtroopers at his side, all at arms.

“Kylo Ren?” You whispered, wondering if your eyes betrayed you. You’d heard tales of him on your home planet, how he was ruthless and how he was following in Darth Vader’s footsteps. You’d never thought much of it, since you and your people had complied with the First Order. Much like the planet Cantonica, you occasionally sold weapons to them. 

Kylo observed you through his helmet for a moment before nodding to the two Stormtroopers in front of you. “Take her.”

You would have struggled, but you knew it wouldn’t be wise or get you anywhere in the process. So you let the stormtroopers take you by your arms, their suits cold against your skin. Maybe you could talk to someone else on his ship, just maybe someone would recognize you.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, Kylo Ren!

“Tell me everything.”

As soon as you’d been brought onto his ship, you’d been put in cuffs. They were cold, the metal never seeming to adjust to your body temperature. And the room you’d been put in was no better, small, only two uncomfortable benches on either side of the room. You sat in one, your hands heavy in your lap, while Kylo Ren stared down at you through his helmet.

“Everything?” 

He nodded, behaving much like a droid.

“Well…” You started off with the day you’d left home. You’d been told by your two dearest friends, Desmond and Tyra, that your life was in danger. You’d been hurried onto a ship, and due to damage to the ship (which was undoubtedly planned), you’d been forced to make an emergency landing on Jakku. After you stepped off of the ship to get a good look at the place, you’d been abandoned. 

“For so long I’d been alone, and then I met this droid. BB-8. He wouldn’t tell me much, it was classified. Classified data.” You shook your head and sighed, as your adrenaline decreased, so did your energy. You hadn’t eaten yet that day. 

“I see. And the turncoat?”

“Uhm, who? Oh, Finn? Well, he told me he was with The Resistance, but it was obvious he was lying. Our conversation was cut short.” 

He said nothing. 

“So you are (Y/N).”

“You believe me? Will you take me home?” When he didn’t respond, you felt panic start to rise in your throat. “You have no reason to keep me here. I’ve told you everything. My planet, we sold you most of your weapons. Why would I lie? Please, Kylo.” It felt odd pleading to him like you'd known him your whole life, using his first name, when you'd never seen his face.  _ What did he look like?  _

He surprised you by reaching up and grasping the sides of his helmet, taking it off with a hiss of air. As if he'd read your mind.  _ Did he read your mind? Could he do that? _

You had to take a moment. 

You’d expected his face to be disfigured, scarred, something to justify wearing a helmet all the time. Like the tales you’d heard of Darth Vader. But he looked fine. More than fine. Very attractive. Black hair that fell in boyish curls around his sharp face, and shockingly pouty lips. This was Kylo Ren?  _ This is the man they call a monster? He’s beautiful- _

He spoke so quickly you felt yourself jump. “Who are Tyra and Desmond?” 

“Desmond was my favorite pilot. He’d been fixing and flying ships ever since he was a child. If there was anyone to fly me anywhere, it was him. And Tyra, she was one of my closest advisors. Her mother was my Hand, which means she’ll take my throne in my absence. Which I suppose she’s doing now.”

Kylo shook his head and snorted, almost like he was disgusted. “How do you not see it?”

“See what?” You raised a brow, still trying to get over how gorgeous he was. Maybe that’s what made him so dangerous. You could see yourself letting your guard down easily for him. 

“How convenient that the woman who betrayed you was daughter to your Hand.” 

Your throat tightened. He had spoken your suspicions aloud, something you’d been trying to deny since your abandonment. “I don’t… I don’t…”

“I’ll take you back. It’ll take some time, I’m sure you’re aware of that.” 

It had taken you a few days of travel to get from your home planet to Jakku. “Yes, thank you. Thank you.” You felt like crying, but before you could, the cuffs around your wrist clattered to the ground. Your heart lurched and you went to thank him, but he was already leaving the room, his helmet back on. 

You were led to a different room later that day, a room with a bed and a bathroom. You showered for hours, until the water went cold, and slept for what seemed like twelve. 

It felt like an entire week had gone by before you saw anyone else again. You’d started to think Kylo had lied, or maybe he’d forgotten about you, but it seemed he was a man of his word. 

You were feeling sorry for yourself, thinking about how damn hungry you were, when the door slid open to reveal Kylo himself. 

“Are we there?” You stood up a little too fast, having to brace yourself against the wall with a hand. You were famished. “Oh,” You whispered and tried not to stumble over yourself.

“We are.” By his side were four Stormtroopers. “Would you like an escort?”

It would be wise. Who knew what Tyra and Desmond would do when they saw you? What would your Hand, Myranda do? If Kylo was right and she had set this all up, what would happen?

“Yes.” You answered quickly and straightened. “I would appreciate that. I don’t know how they’ll react when they see me.”

You were led out of the ship, and once you set foot on your home planet you felt like crying. It looked just as you left it. Beautiful. You resisted the urge to kneel on the grass and rip up some shards to bring to your nose. You’d missed the smell of grass. The air on Ustea was extraordinary. 

Taking a deep breath you sighed, looking up at the sky. Your two suns were both setting, leaving the sky a breathtaking mix of pink and orange. You choked back a sob and covered your mouth with one hand, blinking away the burning tears in your eyes. 

You wouldn’t admit it, but you were scared of walking back into your home. You had no idea what to expect. What if your people preferred Tyra’s mother as the new queen and wouldn’t have you back? You’d want protection if you needed to make a hasty exit, and you doubted anyone there would challenge Kylo Ren.

Kylo was having his own internal struggle. He could feel the fear and conflict radiating from you, he’d been picking up on your emotions ever since he’d laid eyes on you. Why did your feelings affect him so greatly? He forced his feet to move forward, keeping his word and escorting you back into your city with four Stormtroopers behind him. 

Every step you took towards your building grew heavier and heavier. Kylo had looked back quite a few times, wondering how you could walk so slow. Your mind raced and your heart pounded against your chest. 

“What are you so scared of?” Kylo asked as he slowed his pace to match yours, you were at the main entrance to your building. “I can feel your fear.”

“I,” You didn’t know what to say. Thankfully you didn’t have a chance to say much, because as soon as you stopped in front of the entrance, the door opened. 

“(Y/N)?” 

You looked away from Kylo to see Silo, your Master of Arms. He’d been the one to take night shifts outside your bedroom door. He’d done the same to your mother when she was Queen. 

“Silo,” You let out a sigh and he went to embrace you, but Kylo stepped between the two of you. “Kylo,” You looked to him, an expression of ‘what the fuck?’ on your face. “It’s alright, thank you for escorting me back. Is there anything I can do to repay you?”

It was impossible to tell what he was thinking when his face was hidden behind his mask.

Seconds ticked by like minutes before he finally took a step back and nodded. “I’ll be in contact.”

“Come inside, come,” Silo ushered you inside the doors and you looked to Kylo. 

“Thank you again.” It felt odd to say goodbye to him, so you didn’t. You spared him a smile before Silo closed the doors behind you.


	4. Chapter 4

That week was… interesting, to say the least. You had woken up seven days ago on Jakku ready to work your ass off for a piece of food that would barely fill your stomach, and now, here you were, back on your home planet, giving instructions to your people. 

Apparently, as soon as Tyra heard you were back, she fled the city. She didn’t even bother warning Desmond, who was found working on his ship. 

“She left you to save herself. Tell me why you abandoned me and I may let you live.” It would be a lie to say it didn’t feel good as hell sitting on your throne, looking down at the man who had betrayed you. 

“Please, I don’t-” He begged pitifully as one of your guards squeezed the back of his neck. “Stop! Alright, I’ll tell you, just stop, please!”

He looked pathetic on his knees. You didn’t bother hiding your disgust as you nodded to the guard holding him, who loosened his grip on his neck.

“It was Myranda. Your Hand. She set it up.”

You swallowed the lump that had formed in your throat. Kylo was right. 

“Tyra would do anything for her mother. You know that. You can’t blame us, she threatened us-”

You were quick to cut him off. “I do very much blame you. You should have come to me when she threatened you. None of this would have happened. I would have taken action against her immediately.” Your composure was lost. “Do you know what it’s like on Jakku? You left me there to fend for myself, knowing I wouldn’t be able to fly a ship even if I could fix one up. Do you know what I had to do to survive?” You were getting hot. You needed to take a moment or you’d have him killed then and there. “Take him away. Put him with Myranda, and send out search parties for Tyra.” You said to Silo, who was standing by your side at your throne. 

It felt amazing to bathe again. Really bathe. The shower on Kylo Ren’s ship was nice, but it was nothing compared to a hot bath. To scrub the sand from under your nails and from your scalp, have your handmaidens rub the knots out of your muscles and then to dress in your silk robes again. 

You leaned against your banister, overlooking your city. It had never looked more beautiful. The stars twinkled above you and there was a cool breeze, enough to pull stray hairs from your tight bun. Ships flew over the buildings, glittering in reflection of the city lights. Your skin smelt like flowers again, no longer the musk you’d been forced to deal with for months. And your hands, they were so soft, you couldn’t stop rubbing your fingertips on your cheek. 

“You look much better in your own clothing.”

What? You turned around to see none other than Kylo Ren standing behind you, in your bedroom, reaching up to take his helmet off. 

“What are you doing here? How did you get in my room?” You questioned, glancing tentatively at the buzzer at your bedside. It would alert your guards and they’d be in the room in a second.

After the hiss of air from releasing his helmet, he took a step forward. “I would advise against that. I came back because your master of arms had my reward ready. I must say, you could run your own empire here with all the weapons you have.”

“Why are you in my room?” 

“I have a proposition.” He took the liberty of sitting on the foot of your bed, but not taking his eyes from yours. “The droid. It has something I need. And it trusts you.”

You scoffed and shook your head. “No, it doesn’t. I told you. It wouldn’t tell me anything. Everything was classified.”

“You know how the Resistance is. Eager to make friends. It’s their biggest fault. They trust easily. The turncoat, Finn. He’s grown close with a man known as Poe, and they’ve only known each other for-”

“What you’re asking of me, I won’t do.” You stopped him and walked into your room, taking yourself off guard with the way you advanced towards him. When had you grown so bold as to challenge someone such as him? He looked up at you as you stopped short in front of him, his face blank of any expression. “We may provide the First Order with weapons, but to be a spy? Me? I won’t do it. I suggest you leave.”

“Believe me,” Kylo stood so quickly you almost fell backward, the distance between you merely inches. “If I had any other ideas, I wouldn’t be here.”

“Why do you want to find Luke Skywalker so badly?” As much as it pained you, you didn’t step away from him. Moving away would be a sign of submission, and you weren’t going to submit to him. “Are you so desperate to be greater than Darth Vader?”

You shouldn’t have said that. His eyes flashed and his jaw set, sending your heart rate skyrocketing. “What do you know of Darth Vader? Nothing. You know nothing, (Y/N).” 

It was a good thing your door swung open when it did, because you were about to say something that would have gotten you killed.

“We found Tyra, my lady.” Silo was out of breath in your doorway, looking overjoyed before he saw Kylo directly in front of you. His brows furrowed and he looked to you, about to ask, but you pushed past the man.

“Where is she?”

“In the throne room, awaiting your judgment alongside Desmond and Myranda.”

You looked over your shoulder at Kylo, who was seething in his boots. Your anger got the best of you and you imagined the fear in their eyes if they saw the apprentice of the Supreme Leader at your side. 

“I’ll do it, but you need to do something for me.” You knew you would regret it but you couldn’t resist. You were human. And your biggest fault was the gnawing need for revenge.

The throne room was silent. 

It felt odd looking down at the people you’d once trusted with your life. For a moment you were hesitant, and if it wasn’t for Kylo sensing your hesitation, you might have been merciful. 

“I’m not sure how you deal with traitors, but when someone betrays The First Order, they’re executed without a chance of redemption.” He sounded so different when he had his helmet on. You looked to through cloudy eyes and nodded, struggling to keep your sobs in your chest.

“Yes. Kylo. Please.” You choked on your words and watched as he stepped forward, down the steps, away from you and towards the three shackled prisoners.

Kylo raised his hand.

Wait.

The Force?

At your side, Silo looked down to you with wide eyes. “Your grace,” He whispered but you silenced him, holding your hand up. You wanted to see what he would do.

Time slowed down. Once silent, your prisoners suddenly started begging. The weight of the situation must have finally dawned upon them. They were truly going to pay. 

You watched with burning eyes and tight lips. You’d dreamed of this for so long, and now that you had it, it felt… 

“I’ll be seeing you soon with my terms.” Kylo’s voice echoed in the silent throne room, along with the sound of his boots leaving you. 

You looked down to the lifeless bodies on your floor and didn’t even bother the sob that bubbled from your throat. Silo tried to comfort you but it was useless. Even though you were home and surrounded by your people, you still felt so alone.


	5. Chapter 5

His terms were anything but simple. 

Find the droid, Finn, and the pilot known as Poe, gain their trust and any information you could get from them. 

You had no idea where they were, and no idea how to contact any of them. 

The last you knew was that Finn and BB-8 were on Jakku, so you sent for them. The search party returned the next week with no sign of them. 

You’d begun to lose hope when your door was once again thrown open, a habit that Silo desperately needed to lose. 

“They’re here, my lady.”

They were? You stood from your table and disregarded your breakfast, slipping on your shoes and all but running downstairs. 

The reason you’d made up for requesting their presence was simple. Much more simple than Kylo Ren’s request. You wanted to see the droid you’d grown close to now that you were home again, and you wanted to provide the Resistance with anything they might need.

“BB-8!” You gasped, genuinely happy to see him. He whirled around on the marble floor of the main room, chirping and beeping excitedly. You went to meet them and introduced yourself to Poe, the pilot you’d heard so much about. 

“Your Grace, it’s an honor,” Poe said, dipping his head politely with a smile on his face. “I heard my buddy met a Queen, but I didn’t know what to make of it.”

“I’m glad to see you made it off that planet.” You smiled to Finn. “Now that I’m back home, I wanted to aid you in any way you would need. For the good fight.” You cringed at your words, you sounded ridiculous. “Weapons, ship parts, anything.”

Over dinner, the three of you discussed what was going on. Poe thought it was odd that the Monarch of a planet that was independent would be so interested in the Resistance and the First Order, but he chalked it up to a bond you must have formed with the droid. At first, he was hesitant to speak much of his mission, but once he had a few glasses of wine he opened up. Plus, Finn wasn’t one to keep secrets very well.

“Leia is trying to find her brother, Luke.” He had explained after you sang your promise of a new ship for him. “BB-8 here has one of the main components to finding him.”

So that’s what was so classified. That’s what Kylo Ren wanted so badly. 

“Could I see it?”

Poe looked up from his cup of wine, trying to set his eyes on you. How much did he drink? It was painfully easy to take advantage of them. Kylo was right. It was their greatest fault. Trust. 

Maybe not.

“Please don’t take this the wrong way, my lady, but, I’ve already said too much.” He looked over at Finn, who had drank so much he could barely keep his head up. “I think Finn, BB-8 and I outta get going.” 

Was he suspicious? “You’re not going anywhere in your state.” You went for a teasing, light-hearted approach, hoping to appeal to his emotions. “I’d feel better if you stayed here for the night. I would feel awful if something happened to you.”

He eyed you for a moment the best he could before smiling, tipping his head in your direction. “You’re probably right. Thank you.”

“Of course. Silo, will you show them to a room?” You looked back at the guard standing at the door. 

“Yes, right this way.” He ended up having to help Poe carry Finn down the hall, the drunken man's arms slung around their shoulders. 

Once in your room, you changed into a nightgown and tried to relax. The stress of what was expected of you was heavy on your shoulders. You tried to relax with a glass of wine, but it did little to help. You were sitting in front of your fire, reminiscing the night you’d spent with the Resistance fighter long ago when you heard his voice. His real voice.

You hid your surprise, looking over your shoulder to see him walking in from your banister. How did he get up there? Did he climb? Was he so strong with the Force that he could levitate?  _ Maybe even teleport? _

“Well?” He started, slowly making his way towards you, the light from your fire reflecting orange and gold against his form. Seeing him in that lighting felt odd to you, it felt almost intimate. No one else before had seen Kylo Ren in their bedroom with their fireplace softly illuminating his face. You were sure of it.

“I tried to get what I could.” You couldn’t take your eyes off him as he walked around you to stand in front of the armchair opposite to yours. “But, it’s the first time meeting Poe. All he told me was that Leia is trying to find her brother, and the droid has something important to them. He’s cautious.”

He didn’t say anything for a while, staring down at you with an unreadable expression. When he finally spoke you felt like you could breathe again. “You didn’t try hard enough.”

“What?” You almost laughed, furrowing your brows. “These men are smart, they’re not just going to spill their guts to me that easy. I need time, time to gain their trust.”

“What about the man who gave you your lightsaber?”

“What about him?”

“You barely lifted a finger and he was infatuated with you. Showering you with affection and gifts. Why can’t you do the same with Poe?”

“You’re already asking me to spy on them for you. And now you want me to, what?” You tossed up your hands as you looked at him, hoping he wasn’t serious. “Make him fall in love with me? Spill all his secrets?”

When you were met with a blank stare, you laughed.  _ What were you thinking, trying to appeal to emotions? He lacked empathy.  _

“(Y/N).” The tone of his voice caught you off guard. You looked up to see him taking a few steps towards you, before kneeling, now at eye level. You swallowed and sat up straighter in your chair, setting your glass of wine down on the table beside you. 

The way he was looking at you sent chills through your body. He seemed so human then, his eyes on yours, his eyebrows slightly raised. “I know what I’m-” He stopped himself and you could see the muscles in his jaw flex. “What The First Order is asking of you is a lot.”

“A lot.” It was an understatement. “Just go. I’ll get your information.”

A funny thing for someone so lonely to say. He could feel how lonely you were, even now that you were back home. It was somehow so much worse than the loneliness of Jakku.

And he was so lonely too.

He said nothing though, only doing as you asked.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Intimate moments with Poe Dameron, but your mind isn't 100% there.

Poe was one of the most interesting men you’d ever met.

You talked with him for hours in your room, sharing wine and stories like you’d been friends for your entire lives. He told you of his adventures and the friends he’d made along the way, and you did the same. He listened to your rantings with an interested expression on his face, his wide eyes and eager smile soaking in every word that passed your lips.

“I can’t believe they left you there,” Poe said as he took the last sip from his glass, licking his already wine-stained lips. “That must have been awful. Jakku, well, I know first hand.”

“Yes, it…” You trailed off, your mind wandering to the nights you’d spent on that planet. You were so alone. The nights were so cold, so dark, you’d always have to sleep with one eye open. Never knowing if you’d live to see another sunrise.

“(Y/N)?” Poe’s hand reached out to your own, jolting you from your thoughts. 

“I’m sorry, I was just thinking. It was so awful. I was so alone, but, even now,” You didn’t even realize the weight of your own words. “I still feel alone. Isn’t that funny? I have so many people around me now, but, I still feel as lonely as I was on Jakku.”

You weren’t even thinking about Kylo Ren anymore. The only thing on your mind was the man in front of you. For once, you felt seen. Really seen.

“I know, in the past, you’ve sold weapons to the First Order.” His words broke the haze of your mind once again.

“Yes.. We have. Who told you that?” 

“Are you bound to them?”

“Why?” You furrowed your brows and pulled your hands away from his, suddenly feeling nervous. Did he know? Did someone slip word to him that Kylo Ren had been paying you visits?

“I don’t mean to upset you.” He said after you recoiled from him. “I just… you don’t need to be alone. The Resistance, we could use someone like you.”

Your heart dropped. This was the opening Kylo had wanted you to find. Shouldn’t you be happy? You could finally uphold your end of the bargain. But as Poe smiled to you and reached out to take your hands once again, you could only feel guilty.

“Someone like me?”

He nodded and stroked the back of your hand with his thumb. “Forgive me if I’m being too bold, but,” He laughed awkwardly and shook his head, breaking eye contact to glance to the empty bottle of wine on your table. “You’re smart. I know that. You’re incredibly strong, your planet makes some of the best damn blasters I’ve ever seen. We could use you.”

“Poe…” You whispered, trying to hold back the tears that burned in your eyes. How you wished you could scream at him to leave and save himself. 

“(Y/N),” He mirrored you and leaned forward, almost out of his seat. “Don’t feel some obligation, I’m just,”

You leaned forward and met him halfway, pressing your lips against his own. So sweet, so dark, just like the aged wine you’d polished off. It was so awful, you hated yourself, but it felt so fucking right. 

And then you felt it. A darker presence, but not physical. You could feel it in the back of your mind. You pulled away from Poe and licked your bottom lip, furrowing your brows in confusion.

“What?” His voice was light and full of concern. 

“Nothing, it’s not you, I…” You knew what it was. It was Kylo. You didn’t have much experience with the force, so you didn’t know it’s limits or allowances. Could he read your mind if he wasn’t with you? Could he see what you were doing?

“Then what?” He smiled slightly, raising a brow and trying to meet your gaze. 

“I’ll help you. Whatever you need.” You decided, finally looking back to him. His eyes lit up and he smiled even wider. 

“I’d like you to meet someone first. I know you just got back home, but, do you think you could come on a little trip with me?”

“It depends on who I’ll be meeting.”

“Leia.”

You were paid another visit by Kylo Ren that night. 

“Kylo, please stop showing up like this.” You sighed as you dried your hair with a towel, thankful you’d already put your nightgown. “It’s inappropriate.”

“You know why I’ve come.” He stood in the doorway to your banister, hands behind his back. It looked funny seeing him so professional when you’d seen him on the verge of snapping your own neck. Yet there he stood. 

“I think I’ve gained Poe’s trust.”

“You think?”

You picked up your comb and ran it through the ends of your hair as you walked to your bed. “Yes, I think. I’ll be going to meet Leia soon.”

“Leia?” His voice caught in his throat and you had to keep the gasp from escaping you. How did you forget? How? Leia was his mother.

“Yes.” You said slowly and sat down on the foot of your bed. “Is that a problem?”

“No.” 

“I felt something today. When I was with Poe. Was that you?” You decided to change the subject.

Kylo took a moment before responding, “Yes. I’m sure you’ll be pleased to know I know just as much as you do. It took me off guard. I was in a meeting and I felt it. A small tingling, as if you were reaching out to me. I focused on it, and I saw you. Sitting with him.”

“You saw me?” You suddenly felt exposed. Had he watched you? 

“I saw you with him, but I couldn’t hear anything. And it was only for a moment. Then I saw you… kiss him. And that’s when I pulled back.”

“And you have no idea how it happened?” You looked up at him as he approached you, his posture much more lax than before. You couldn’t lie though, each step he took towards you sent a new wave of chills through you. 

He stopped a few feet away from you, giving you enough time to ease your quickly increasing heart rate. “None. I just felt you reaching out and I responded.” 

“But I didn’t reach out.”

“Not purposefully.” 

You looked down to the comb in your hands and ran the pad of your thumb along the teeth of it. Did you subconsciously call out to Kylo when you were with Poe? Why would your mind be thinking about him when you were having such an intimate moment with Poe? Unless...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahah what if you thought about Kylo when you were kissing Poe... haha jk.. unless...?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You actually touch Kylo in this chapter. Saucy, I know.

_ "We could use someone like you."  _

_ The voice was foggy. Although you couldn't see his face, you still felt the warmth you'd felt the moment you kissed him.  _

_ "Someone like me?" You leaned into the gloved hand caressing your face and smiled.  _

_ "I could use someone like you."  _

_ Strange, this wasn't how it happened.  _

_ He leaned forward and you could feel your heart drop. That wasn't Poe. So why were you reaching forward to cup his cheeks? Why were you pressing your lips against his?  _

_ "Kylo…"  _

You jolted awake, covered in sweat and panting like you'd been running for miles. Your lips buzzed and you ran your tongue over them, trying to remember how Kylo had tasted in your dream. 

Wisps of bright yellow light streamed in through your curtains, warming your already sweaty skin. 

"Fuck." You whispered, throwing your blankets off of your legs. "What the fuck." Seriously, what the fuck? You rubbed your face with your hands and sighed. There was no way you were going back to sleep now.

You showered and dressed, heading to the dining hall. Usually, you'd have breakfast in your room but the cooks were used to you waking up much later. 

To your surprise, Poe and Finn were both seated at your dining table eating breakfast. Did they normally have breakfast this early? 

“Good morning, (Y/N),” Poe said as he poured his glass full to the brim with juice. “You’re up early.”

“I’m afraid I am.” You said as you sat down at the head of the table. Your glass was immediately filled with your favorite juice by one of your servers before she asked you what you'd like to eat. 

"Lots of protein. And some jasmine and honey tea, please. With lemon. Toast and jelly. Fresh fruit." When you finished your order you noticed both Finn and Poe were looking at you with amused expressions. 

"Hungry?" Finn joked, causing Poe to laugh. 

"Very." You admitted, taking a sip of juice. "And, last night I was told you'd be leaving today. Correct?" 

Finn hummed in affirmation, glancing at Poe, who nodded as well. 

"In a few hours, actually. Just waiting on a few things." Poe wiped his mouth with a cloth, washing down the last of his breakfast with a sip of orange juice. "And…" He looked to you then, brows raised. 

Oh, so he was serious. It wasn't just the booze talking.

"I've thought about it, and I'd love to accompany you. But I can't be gone long." As soon as you finished speaking, a look of relief washed over Poe's face. Finn grinned from ear to ear, holding up his glass.

"To the resistance!"

"Geeze, kid, we just woke up." Poe used his hand to lower Finn's glass. You laughed along with them before your eyes found Silo across the room. He stood in the doorway to the dining hall. Once you locked eyes he shook his head, disappointed, before turning to leave. 

The smile quickly faded from your face.

You found it difficult to eat your breakfast after that. The fruit felt like rocks in your throat. Did you truly have the heart to betray these men? And BB-8 as well?

"Well, I must pack a few things. Come to me when the ship is ready." You briefly set your hand on top of Poe's, giving it a light squeeze. 

It was cold at night on Mareevos. 

You pulled your blanket tighter around your shoulders and looked out the window, shivering. You couldn’t see a damn thing, the treetops prevented any moonlight from reaching the earth below. You felt vulnerable then and leaned away from the window, curling back up into yourself. You hated seeing your breath. 

You’d made a stop on Mareevos, a planet you’d rarely heard spoken of. Poe said he needed to pick up things from a friend, so you were left alone on the ship with Finn. He was sleeping fine on one of the beds in the back of the ship, although snoring like an animal. You’d been smart enough to choose one of your favorite ships, one that was well suited for long travels. Beds in the back, a fuel tank large enough to last at least a month, and a very advanced navigation system, complete with the ability to travel light speed.

How you wished you could take a nap. Now would be the perfect time for it. Poe said he’d be gone a few hours, and it’d only been half an hour and you were already restless. 

You knew it’d be useless to sit in silence staring at nothing. Shedding your blanket and putting on one of your fur cloaks, you walked from the bedroom down the hall of the ship to the exit. 

It was even colder outside, but at least you were doing something. Once you set foot in the grass you felt like you could breathe. 

Finally. You closed your eyes and sighed. Peace. Quiet. 

Then you cried. Oh, how you cried. You wept for Desmond, you wept for Myranda and Tyra. You wept for Poe and Finn, even BB-8. And you wept for Kylo Ren. You cried into your hands and tried not to give in to the wobbling of your knees.

And what other time would be more perfect for Kylo to make his presence known?

He said nothing, simply walking forward until the sound of his footsteps reached your ears. You opened your eyes, expecting to see an animal, or maybe Poe. When he got close enough to you that the dim lights from the ship illuminated his helmet your breath caught in your throat. 

“What are you doing, Finn is right in there!” You gasped and grabbed his hand, pulling him away from the entrance to the ship and a few yards into the forest. “He could walk out and see you.” Once you were satisfied with the distance you’d put between each other you turned to him. You could still barely see him. 

“Why were you crying?” 

You laughed lightly and shook your head, reaching up to wipe away the tears you forgot you had shed. “Do you really care?”

Silence. 

“Of course you don’t. Why are you here? Are you following us everywhere?”

“It would be stupid of me not to keep track of you. I’m here because I felt you reaching out. It felt desperate. I came as quickly as I could-”

“You did?” A sharp intake of breath. You must have subconsciously called out to him when you were crying. What was your mind not telling you?

“Yes, my ship is just-”

You cut him off once again and approached him until you were a foot away. “Is it the force?”

“Linking us like this? I believe so.”

“Why?”

“I know as much as you do.”

You looked down, away from his mask and chewed on your bottom lip. Your eyes had adjusted to the darkness a bit so you could see a vague outline of his black boots against the grass.

“Can you take that off? It’s hard to talk to you without seeing your face.” 

There was a pause. And then the sound of air hissing. You watched as he lifted the helmet from his head, his curls spilling around his face in a way that made it hard to believe he was the villain that he was. How could someone so evil look so beautiful? Unable to hold yourself back, you reached out and moved a lock away from his eye. 

Kylo closed his eyes and sighed. Leaned into your touch. Tried not to shudder when your warm fingertips grazed his cheekbone. To be so tenderly touched… 

Then you noticed the bruise.

“What happened to your face?” You decided to break the silence, bringing attention to the bruise under his eye. Humor was evident in your voice as if you were a mother lovingly teasing her son. “You lose a battle?” You went to stroke your finger over the fading mark, but then he leaned away.

“Nothing.” He snapped from his vulnerable state, swallowing hard and moving back from you.

Your heart ached. Kylo had finally shown the slightest bit of humanity, a yearning for contact, and you ruined it. You pushed too fast. Why had you pushed so fast?

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.” Your hand went to the neckline of your dress, your fingers nervously pulling at the fabric. 

You could feel the tension in the air. You were starting to feel uncomfortable, but Kylo eased your worried mind a little. “It’s alright. I shouldn’t stay long. I only came to make sure everything was alright.”

You had to smile at that. It seemed he did care. You didn't even take the time to think about why you felt better, you didn't want to think about it too deeply. All you knew for sure was that Kylo Ren cared for you, and you were happy about it. 

Maybe you cared for him as well. 

"Well. Thank you. If I were alone," What if you were alone? "I'd invite you in for a bit. But Finn's asleep. I suppose I should go back in, in case he awakes."

"I suppose you should." Why did it sound like he was asking you to stay? Perhaps you were overanalyzing his tone. But it sure sounded like he was asking… no…  _ daring _ you to stay. You were tempted.

No.

You weren't going to take any chances. 

"Alright. Goodbye for now, Kylo." You smiled again and dipped your head, not missing the tiniest twitch at the corner of his lips.

_ "Wait." Oh, thank the maker. _

Your heart lurched and you turned around to face him again. He looked so vulnerable. You couldn't stop looking at those pouty red lips of his. “Yes?” Your voice, no louder than a whisper, surprised you. 

"Are you going to tell me why you were crying?" 

"Are you going to tell me why you're bruised?" You didn't mean to come off the way you did. Challenging. Stand-offish. 

These moments of tense silence were getting to you. You’d rather be screaming and fighting with him. But this? Absolute silence? It was killing your ability to form coherent sentences when you actually did speak.

Say something, damnit. Anything

“Sleep well, (Y/N).” 

Oh, fuck. Anything but that.


End file.
